Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
