dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
