all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
