I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
