I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Success! We fucked roommates!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
