you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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