Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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