put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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