he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
