So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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