I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
