You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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