I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
