Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize