She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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