Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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