Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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