Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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