i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
