my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I supernannyed him into submission
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
