Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
