singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
