what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
