Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
