I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
