Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
