Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
