this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
