im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are a genius and a whore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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