Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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