why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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