bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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