I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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