im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
