I puked a lego.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
