i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
