His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
