I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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