I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
