my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
