i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
