I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
