I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
