i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
