I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
