my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
