I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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