My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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