How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
