Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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