She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
