He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
