so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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