When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if only i could text you this smell
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
