You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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