just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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