Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
