she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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