I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
