There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
