your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
