he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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