God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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