I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
