whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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