there's paper in my vomit.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
