My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wear drunk well.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
