The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They took my balls.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
