so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My vagina is very pro this idea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
